My thoughts & Interests, Work & Life

The jobless world – Post 8

So who can tell how important a job is for a woman?

One who has a job? Na. She will not understand how one who doesn’t have a job feels.

What about the one who doesn’t have a job? Mmmm, not sure.  She might not know how the real time office would be.

What about one who is looking for a job? Well, not really…

So what about the one who had a job, resigned from it, now looking for one and not getting it? Yeah, this one can. Because this one is me.

4 yrs of work, 2 yrs of work-home balance,1 yr of work-home-baby balance, resignation, 2 months rest and then 4 months of unfruitful job hunt (Recession – Grr!!) . Who could be better qualified than me?

But know what? This step of resignation and home management gave me an essential growth on the personal front because I realize how important the job was for me. It helped me realize how women who sit at home for a whole day feel like. Oh my resignation was so willful for I too thought I needed a small break after 7 yrs..

Throughout my career life, I have grumbled about the work load, criticized my managers, groaned at office politics, frowned at fellow colleagues, grieved at my compensations, fought for appreciations,  protested for recognition, complained about not being able to leave early to home,   and back home I would be whining about all that I have to do. When housewives shared their views on how they love to work, I would encourage but still tell that it is difficult for you have to do all that you have to do at home and work would be an additional responsibility. It sounded a lot sensible then because career seemed to be a financial support for husband and financial independence for me. This break was an eye opener, for I now realize that my job means a lot more than money.

I understand the frustrations of a house wife, for their world has only the husband and children. Their day start and end on the same note. Life becomes a routine after sometime and the boredom makes them exhausted. Everything seems disinterested and dull. The husband who comes back from work is the only person who they can talk to and you cant blame them. The husband thinks the wife is nagging over the silliest of the things and wife doesn’t understand why he thinks so and then PROBLEM!!Yes, jobless world can be a problem….

Work may be tiring , but it would change the environment at home..

I feel every woman who is willing to work should try it for once and every man should allow her to, because professional and personal life are not separate. Am sure a lot of you wouldn’t agree, but I have my reasons to believe so… A job need not necessarily be going to office and working (though thats lot of fun), but to do something that would divert the thoughts from ‘family’ world and keep occupied. A sister of mine started doing craft work from trash to keep herself occupied.

Your job gives you a reason ,

– to step out of your home, atleast for a few hours.

– to meet other people, young and old

– to keep you occupied and forget the tension at home, if any

– to escape from the boring normal daily chorus

– to stay fresh the whole day

– to share your thoughts with others and hear their views

– to realize that there is a world outside home

– to know that you are better than a lot of people

– to know that you are still to catch up with a lot other people

Above all, it gives you another goal where you can look forward to, focus and grow. Growth in life earns happiness and peace. Happiness definitely reflects in your personality and helps you grow  more for the better. It gives you a space to know yourself better. It would only create a better YOU!!

So if you are a working woman and still apprehensive like I used to be once, then stop!! You are having a blissful life.

Culture & Religion, My thoughts & Interests

Balanced Wife = Balanced Life????

They say a family would run smooth only if the woman in the family knows to manage well. So I set off to find out how wives are expected to balance the string of family lives.

“For that you need to be a balanced-wife“, says a few. So what is a balanced wife?

If the wife gets up early in the morning, she “always runs away from the bed and puts him in second priority to the house hold”. If the wife doesn’t get up early, she “is too lazy and neglects the family”.

If the wife makes good tea, “it is just her routine”. If the wife doesn’t make good tea or breakfast for one day, she “is a bad cook”.

If the wife has to leave home early for work, she “doesn’t need to earn us a living. Family should be first”. If the wife goes late to work or comes back late from work, she “is a bad manager of time”. If the wife comes back early from work, she “has no big role there at office”.

If the wife buys a shirt for the husband from her salary, she “wastes a lot of money on dress”.

If the wife doesn’t like a dress that her in-laws choose, she “has no dressing sense”.

If the wife reminds you to pay the bill, “I know to do things”. If the payment goes beyond due date, “You should not have forgotten”.

If the wife asks for help in the kitchen, “it is your duty. If you can’t manage with just two of us, how will you manage when we have children?”

If the wife has a back pain and asks for a small massage, “Can’t u see that am busy?”

If the wife argues, she is arrogant. If she does not respond to an argument, she is irritating.

If she questions, she acts too smart.

If she cries, she is over-sentimental. If she cant tell why she did so, she is unreasonable

If the shirt is not ironed on time, “she doesn’t know to do things properly”.

If the clothes are not folded for a day, “she cant keep the house clean”.

If the children get low grades, “she is doesn’t take proper care”.

If her parents does not see his’ during a function, then “they purposefully avoided”. If his parents do the same, “Why should they go to her parents? It is they who should come and pay respect to the guys’?

If her parents give a visit without acknowledgement, “they are so informal”. If his parents do the same but unfortunately there is no one at her home, “they don’t give us importance”.

If her mother’s sister’s daughter’s in-law is getting married, not only his parents, but his father’s sister’s husband’s parents have also to be invited, else “they do not know to treat the guy’s family properly”.

This society who knows only to question, disdain & contempt the girls, wives, daughter-in-laws & mothers and believes that women and her needs could be neglected, compels me to derive at the conclusion that the expectation from the so called balanced wife is this..One who successfully takes care of the family (big or small) the way they want, attend to all their needs, satisfy all of them, follow their rules, be answerable to all their questions, be submissive throughout and accept any mental or physical piercing moment in silence…. Irrespective of whether she slept the previous night, Irrespective of whether she had something for tea, Irrespective of when she has to leave or come back from work, Irrespective of how her day at office was, Irrespective of whether she is healthy or not, Irrespective of whether she is respected or cared for, Irrespective of what she earns, Irrespective of whether her own life is balanced or not….



When will be the time when they lay rules for the men?

When will be the time when they stop blaming and start helping?

When will be the time when they learn that respect is give and take?

When will be the time when they learn to appreciate wives and mothers for what they do?

When will be the time when they learn that a smooth family is the result of teamwork?

When will be the time when they learn that women have to be treated like humans if not equals?

Masti ki paatshala, My thoughts & Interests

Professionally innocent

My friend called this weekend, after she read the previous blog on CUSAT Arts Festival. We relived those old-but-gold memories of graduation. She hanged up after a while, but I was still stuck with the CUSAT times.

To a large percent of the population, professional colleges have become turning points in lives. Its you who choose to be good or bad, Its you who choose to be what you are,.. And some of you who would have joined the college, so naïve, so innocent,…. would be tuned,tamed and moulded into experts in technology and many other ‘subjects’ during these years.

It is during these years that girls (at least in Kerala) slowly overcome their timid, apprehensive, reticent attitude and show their inquisitiveness on one of the most important, rather interesting topics – sex. These 3 letters are deleterious, is what the parents normally teach children. Anyone who has a boy friend is taught to be treated as untouchables.When they hear about their daughter’s friend, whose sister has a boy friend, whose friend has seen an x-rated movie, the daughter would be asked to divorce that friend and keep no further contact. Good logic, eh?

Now, why I keep on mentioning ‘girls’ is because ‘boys’ somehow manage to jump out of this loop and find their on ways. Most parents have an explanation to this. “Afterall, they are boys…”Oh yes? Makes lot of sense!!

Under the impression of protecting their daughters, the parents are actually holding them so tight, that the children find no room to grow. No wonder that these ‘naïve’ girls, are either made use of or misuse their freedom, after they land in professional colleges..

However, during the millennium, when we joined CUSAT, there were a few in this category. So during one of the girls-only combined study sessions, topic got deviated a bit and the ones who knew, lined up to educate the ones who didn’t. I scored 50/100, and so was a moderator :-).  The class was done, but the talks went onto aligned topics, one of which was masturbation. Too much knowledge in one day, had made the class weary. But they were still ready for more KA, Knowledge-Acquisition. To remind the class about the seriousness of the subject, Neethu* – the most educated of all, quoted an example. She talked about a girl who had to be taken to the hospital as the test tube that she used for masturbation had broken inside her. There were frowns,grin and sympathy among the class for the poor female. But it all changed to a big embarrassment, when Lekha* asked, “So is that how test tube babies are born?”.

And this is why they are called naïve.

And this is why some parents should grow up.

And this is why Sex Education should be included in the curriculum.

* Identity not disclosed.

Misc, Work & Life

UMA is different

Our appartment is huge. Atleast 50-60 families reside there. Most of us do not know our nieghbours. It is true that after Shebi went to Dubai, I have befriended my immediate nieghbours, securities and the flat association 🙂 But there is one name everyone in the appartment is familiar with – UMA. She is always ready,whether it is to look after your baby or get milk from the nearby shop or cut your vegetables. She offers you all kinds of services.

Uma is our part-time maid, not only ours, looks like the whole apartment has owned her 🙂

When our bell rang by 5:00ish, my mother eagerly opened the door. She smiled and greeted Uma in. Pari started jumping up and down after seeing her. “Wait dear. Let me clean my hands and then pick you up”. She rushed to the kitchen, got some dettol, played with Pari for a while and then hurried to do the dishes. “I don’t get enough time with my children. There are 12 homes now, out of which 3 goes to office that I need to reach by 7”.

Uma’s day starts at 4:30 in the morning. She cooks for her family, take water from the corporation pipe nearby for her household and get her children ready for school. She has two kids – elder is 11 yrs and younger one 6, both studying. Her job of maintaining orderliness and cleanliness at other homes start by 7.Inspite of her busy weary backbreaking schedules, she finds time to take out grandmothers to the hospital, pay electricity bills or buy vegetables, even for people whom she doesn’t work for. Strange that we keep complaining about lack of time to take our children out for a walk!! Once she finishes the last home, it will be almost 7:30 and she would have to hurry home to take care of her children. After her children hits the sack, she would have her dinner by 11:00 and call it a day. 17hrs of tedious work!!!

Uma does not have weekends either. Rarely does she take off and if she does there would be prior notice.

Oh! Yes,she has a husband, who finds it very convenient to eat, sleep, drink and finish all the hard-earned income that comes into the family. “He was not like this when we got married”,Uma said once.”He used to drink, but would give enough money to run the home. During a construction work, his hand got injured after which he was advised to take rest for few months. We had no savings and so I had to start working. His hand got cured in 3 months but he does not work anymore”. She stops with a sigh. Uma had arranged plenty of jobs for him, like a security at our home (where he does not have to use his hands at all). But the 3 months had injected a high degree of laziness into his blood. He chose to relax at his wife’s expense. “He does not work anymore. But I don’t complain. Things are moving on smooth. Why should I unnecessarily create problems at home?”. She had put in her efforts to bring him on his feet again, but now withdrawn from that task to keep peace at home.

Yesterday when Hari (Uma’s younger son) came home,he showed me how his new maths teacher had taught him to subtract. Uma proudly said,” He is my hope. I will work hard and will not let my children end up like me”. I could feel the strong determination in her voice. I really hope she succeeds.

Uma is one among the hundreds of Indian women who struggles uphill to run a family. She is one among the many who are abused and exploited. She is one among the many whose mileage is driven out by their own men. But what makes Uma different from the lot is her attitude and selfless nature. Not only me, this whole nieghbourhood would agree that she is not like the usual maids. For the same reason, I have found that everyone around is willing to help her too.

Uma’s readiness to work and her cheerfulness, makes her our favorite. She is apt, prompt and reliable (not submissive). Any minimal incentive that you give is taken with utmost happiness. To her it’s a service, which she believes will eventually bring blessings to her children. All that she want is her children to study well, earn good jobs and eventually lead a better life.

UMA’s are hard to find in the kind of society we live in. God bless her and the family!!

Marriage & Motherhood

Dealing with ‘N’ Laws

”Moluuu”… In our custom, ‘Molu’ is a real sweet way of addressing a girl of your daughter’s age. But the minute my mother-in-law calls me this way, I get a lot of “What next?,” Why me?” thoughts. Being blessed with a homely face (Looks are sometimes deceptive),I managed so long.

A friend of mine called yesterday and grieved about the way Mrs.MIL spoiled her weekend plans. The same is the case with me too. But how can the same her or me be happy, when our parents drop in for a weekend, though weekend plans are spoiled? Because parents love you, no matter what you do. You are free to do whatever you want. In-laws are not bound to love you, no matter whatever you do. They are ‘different’. They may accept you, they may not. They may love you, they may not. Their opinion on you keeps changing according to what you do and they judge on all that you do. Most importantly they may not believe in you always.

When you marry someone, you actually marry their family too. Maintaining harmony in the new family may not be easy.  Like someone said, when you choose to stick to your husband, you are stuck with your in-laws too.

I often wonder why the world is designed for the girl to stay at the guys’. If the couple could remain at her parents’ then the would have been a peaceful place. Now that the world is not so, you have to deal with them. And yes, dealing with ‘N’ laws is tough, tactical and tricky.

Me and Sayf are a team, who lets only the most necessary things flow to the  in-laws on both sides. We let them pour their opinions into only what is necessary. We stick to our decisions as long as a real valid reason does not come from either sides, but we do listen to them, appreciate them and at the same time convince them on why we chose to be so. They might not be happy, but at least the ‘she came and took my son away’ feeling will not be there.

Even when I have a real busy schedule at work, I make sure to give them a call at least twice a week. I may not call my parents that frequent, because they do not mind calling this side without complaints. My mobile alerts me incase I forget 🙂 I don’t miss a chance to shop, dine out or sometimes gossip (carefully of course) with my in-laws. I make sure to spend quality time with them when I visit them. A little effort, a little attention from my side, make my in-laws feel that I care for them.

MIL’s  may  usually be over dominating or over sentimental, but with good motives. And as long as I can find that element alive inside her, I can move along with her. They would also be experts with words and tears. When words does not work, they switch to tears, and tears works wonders 🙂 Mine does a lot of emotional black mailing, but I have cleverly developed the act of sincerely listening to everything that she puts across. She is pleased that I do so. But this is not an easy task because you will have to patient enough to hear the same story of “How people used to admire the MIL when she was young”, “How fair she used to be once”, “How her handsome son ended up marrying the me-with-ordinary-looks”, ”Why her daughter could not get a nice MIL as her”, and similar stories over and over.

Point to be noted is that a little observation helps you understand what your  mother in law actually needs from you. If you can’t give the whole cake, give at least a fairly big piece.

It is difficult to talk things straight to the in-laws because we treat them as respectful elders. But you can always speak your mind out to your husband or a very good friend. The minute you share it with another daughter-in-law of hers’, double trouble. She may have tons of her own versions to share and the conversations would eventually lead to the MIL being an ultimate villainess. However if you choose to share it with your husband, please don’t make him chose between you and her. It’s not your way or the highway. She, who has been in his life for a much longer time than you, definitely has a say.

Most of the MILs keeps reign their kitchen. At least mine does so. But only when am at Shebis’. She shoo’s me off from the kitchen and still complain on my ability to handle things on my own. So when she comes to Chennai, I get ready for the in-law invasion 🙂 Prepare menu for the whole week, show her how I manage my home and plan for the weekends. I think she is quite convinced, but she never admits. “My poor son doesn’t get to eat enough” and “I don’t know how he will survive” and “You should see how well my daughter does things” and blah blah blah. Looks like see gets some sadistic pleasure on acclaiming that her daughter is better than her daughter in-laws.

There are obvious times when you will have to really bite your teeth so hard to make sure that your tongue does not move over her protracted whining, esp. in the issues that involve people at my home.

So the most important of all. Follow the two mantras – S-M-I-L-E and I-G-N-O-R-E. If you can’t smile, at least ignore. So now a days whenever she makes unnecessary issues, I just do that. After all, she is the reason for me to have a lovable husband.

With all of the above and more, I still think most of them are harmless. When people get aged, they think different. Most of them feel that they will be left out by their children after marriage. They too would be anxious about the girl who steps into the family as much as your parents are. Like the girls, they also try to find a place in their son’s new life. While doing so, they annoy us but I think it is driven out of love.

As Dr Rebecca Liswood who founded the marriage counselling service in New York puts it, “Sudden love rarely binds the two most important women in a man’s life. But you can slowly evolve into good friends and well-wishers.”

At least give it a chance.

Marriage & Motherhood, Work & Life

The long 9 months…

While hurrying through my closet for Pari’s vaccination card, I came across her first Ultrasound scan report. Taken on 7th Jul 2009, the report read, “The uterus was visualised and contained a single intrauterine gestational sac with fetal pole measuring 0.64cm corresponding to 7 weeks gestation”, which meant my has been medically confirmed. It meant that there was a teeny tiny life inside me, who was 7 weeks old and 0.64cms long….

I took the report and sat on one corner of the bed.. Pari was sleeping sound on the other end. I tried to recollect the 9 months that we waited eagerly and restlessly to see the first glimpse of this little girl.

Jun ‘09: The home pregnancy tests were positive on 3rd week of Jun. But accuracy was only 50%.

Jul ‘09: On Jul 7, doctor added the rest 50% and both of us  held our hands tightly to witness the most beautiful phenomenon. Inside my uterus was our little one, with a rapid heart beat (twice the rate of a normal adult) and a small food sack for her nutrition supply. Doc asked me to include 2 lts of milk, 1 egg and 1 cup of pulse in my daily diet. Milk and egg. Grrrr!!!

God is great!! He had another pleasant surprise in store. One of my best friends, Sheetal had confirmed pregnant too.

In another weeks time, my sickness started. Anything that went inside would come out in a minute or two.

Aug ’09: Sickness continued for the first 2 weeks of Aug. I managed to stick on to the milk which had now reduced to 2 cups a day :0)

Work was getting onto my nerves. In addition there was an immediate requirement offshore. Some good things happen at the wrong time also 🙂 There was too much of pressure to fly that finally I had to disclose the reason.

“There is a good news and a bad news for you, Mugundan”. My project manager got ready to face both the news’. “Good news is that I am carrying, and the bad news is that, I would not be able to fly for the same reason”.

The first trimester scan was full of excitement. The baby was in shape, kept moving throughout the scan but did not show the face

By the last week of Aug, I regained my health. Sickness subsided and I started walking on the evenings.

As you gain weight during the later stages of pregnancy, the circulation to your legs decreases, and hence walking helps.

Sep ’09: I got busy deciding on our Anniversary gift. Our second anniversary fell on Sep 9th. It was special this time 09-09-09 🙂 I was clueless and finally got a ring. As usual, my gift got dissolved in the beautiful jewel set Sayf got for me from Narayana Pearls. He is too good with gifts.

By Sep,I had put on 2 kgs. My belly had slightly grown and I could feel the slight movements inside, as though a feather moved from within.…

Oct ’09: My stomach had come out, dresses got tight, Pari kicked harder, still October was adventurous.

Being 5 months pregnant, I had a 12  in without a berth,not even a seat. Sayf’s parents had plans to go for Hajj, but the dates were fixed suddenly. We had to go home, see them off, but no tickets to travel. Everyone had asked me to stay back, but I wanted to meet my ‘N’ laws before they started for the pilgrimage.

We came back to Chennai the next day itself. The second trimester scan showed a fully developed baby. She had her head, neck, spine, heart, lungs and stomach fully developed.

We travelled to Bangalore the very next weekend to meet Sheetal. Bangalore was major fun. We showed off our reports, examined the profiles of our babies, found that one had bigger nose and compared their weights.

Nov ’09: Second trimester was cool. No sickness and a Not-so-heavy-stomach. Sayf’s bday fell on Nov 14th. I brought a scrap-book, scribbled a few poems and pasted photos of the most important moments in the past 2 yrs. Sayf loved the book.

Pari had started rolling inside. At times, she would do a roller coaster ride. Sayf could feel her too.

Dec ’09: Belly had grown really big. I weighed 58 kgs and had started experiencing breathlessness. No clothes would fit anymore, and one more month for my maternity leave to begin. Too much of pressure was there at work, and it affected my regular walking. Back pain started and then came the varicose veins.

Sayf was behind me to know on my pregnancy craving. Honestly, I had none.

Pari started weighing heavier and kicked harder that you could see the shape of your stomach changing. She kept me awake during the nights. On a positive note, she trained me to stay awake which proved helpful during post pregnancy 🙂

We had started googling for a nice muslim name.

Jan ’10: Then came my birthday on Jan 9th. Sayf had a range of surprises for the whole weekend – Movie, Mahabalipuram, dinner. .

One more week at work. Staying away from Sayf was painful, but I still was excited about the 7 months vacation, I would get after I started working on 2003. While packing my stuffs, I came across a 2 yr old Anchor Stitch Kit that was left half way through. I packed that too.

I experienced the freedom of being at home after long(6yrs).It was immense pleasure to be a child again. Wake up and sleep as you wish, and worry only about eating 🙂 and watching TV ofcourse!! I also tried to work on the Stitch Kit and immersed in books on labour and birth.

I weighed 60kgs and increased 3kgs every 2 weeks. Breathlessness became heavier, so resumed walking. Luckily, I had Sheetal to share everything with 🙂

Feb ’10: My false contractions and pseudo pain began. Feets and ankles were swollen. My doc examined to confirm that babies head was not fixed. Amma made a list, packed the bags and did the last- minute shopping.

Sheetal had a bleeding and was kept on observation for a day. Doc sent her back the next day, but she had started dilating, and delivery was expected anytime.

I kept on working with my stitch kit, tried some breathing exercises, read more books on what to expect during labour. However, I was running out of room. It was a pregnant forever feeling. Sheetal was admitted for the second time after a heavy bleeding, but Pari seemed to be too comfortable inside 🙂 She showed no signs to come out.

Feb 17,2010: I was due on Feb 25th as per the records, but on Feb 17th 4:00am, my water broke. Hospital was just 15minutes away from home. I dropped an sms to Sayf and prayed for a healthy baby when I stepped inside the hospital. The nurses tried their best to answer my curiosity and induced pain by 05:30am. The contractions started slowly, like mild cramps on the stomach. I tried the breathing techniques that I read. But as the labour progressed, the contractions became powerful, longer and frequent. The doc confirmed that am in the second stage of labour. They moved me to the labour room and I pushed the baby out into this world on Feb17, 09:48am.

While the doc was working on my stitches, I could hear the nurses talk ”Normal baby, 2.8kgs, 50cms”.


“Girl baby”, she handed over the little one to me. Wrapped all over, Fareiba looked like a small bundle of cloth. I couldn’t take my eyes of that small, brittle, lovable creation of god. She looked exactly like the man whom I admired the most – Sayf. I realized the value of this little creature god has handed over to me, that I cannot give Sayf a gift more valuable than her…

Sheetal gave birth after another 2 days. They have named their daughter Shrishti.

I finished my Stitch Kit two months after the delivery.

My thoughts & Interests, Work & Life

Difference between owning a license and owning a vehicle

When Pari fell sick last week, I had to take her to the doc every other day. She recovered fully after a week’s time. Hospital was just 4 kms from home, but it would have been terrible if I did not know to drive. So while coming back from the hospital, I thanked god and the two men who insisted me to start driving and keep driving..

Umpteen women own a driver’s license but do not drive. I too belonged to this group, but not anymore…

It was in my father’s  interest that me and my brother started driving. I even took license the very next saturday after I turned 18. But I hardly drove a few kms at my hometown. Being younger to me by 2 yrs, my bro took license soon as he turned 18, and he offered a ride when needed.

After I moved to Chennai for a job, the city’s heavy traffic  was the primary reason for not driving. When my brother joined me at Chennai , I happily took his help to travel.

Post marriage was even easier. With my husband, one of the greatest drivers I have met, anytime-anywhere-pick& drop was readily available. So being a license holder for over 10 yrs, I managed to reach anywhere I wanted to (sometimes after fighting with auto drivers), but still did not try driving.

My office was just 2 kms from where we stayed. So during my pregnancy, Sayf  wanted me to start driving  since I could come home as and when needed. Somehow it  did not work. But after Pari (Our rolly-polly-naughty-sweety and now 8 month old, lil princess) came in, driving became necessary. With a day care at my office, there was no option than to bring her along, drop her at daycare and start with my office.  I was still reluctant, but Sayf was behind my life 🙂 After my test-driving-sessions with Sayf, I started taking Pari to office.

Today, with my husband at Dubai, managing work,home and the baby has become really difficult. Needless to mention, my car has become one of my most reliable friends in no time. And I realise that driving is essential. Its been just a month since he left, and my car has (unbelievable) run over 600 kms. It was actually meant to run only 2 kms to and from office everyday.. 🙂

Now, I take my car for grocery,market,shopping,work,parlour,anything and everything.

Now, I pick my parents from Chennai Central (25kms from home) and go to T.Nagar (one of the busiest places in Chennai city)for shopping. Chennai traffic doesn’t seem to be a problem anymore 🙂

Now, I give lifts to the mothers who needs to pick up their babies from daycare and also to fellow male colleagues who wants to be dropped at bus/railway stations.

And if I can, all of you can…

When license and driving go parallel, we do not realise how handicapped we are. Only when you start and sense the tremendous volume of independence it gives you, do you realise what you were missing earlier. You actually own your vehicle only when you start driving.

Now I know what is carburetor, slow speed, mileage,piston rings,coolant and much more. Above all of this, I know that driving has made my life a lot simpler.

Today, I am an ‘independent’ working woman, and behind the success of this independence there are two men – My father and My Sayf 🙂

Driving now means a lot of freedom, independence, excitement, adventure, happiness and satisfaction. Its worth giving a try.

So next time you need to go somewhere, no more quarrels with auto drivers and no more waiting for someone to pick you up.  Get ready, a smear of face powder, a dash of lipstick and vrrrroooom… Go Babelicious gals!!!

Marriage & Motherhood

The best thing about marriage!!

“What is the best thing about getting married?”. It was my boss. My marriage was just two weeks old, I blankly smiled at him and said that incoming salary will get doubled. All I wanted was to skip the subject. Ofcourse I was a happily married wife then, but because I did not know what was ‘good’ about marriage, the ‘best’ seemed to be too far to comment on.

“There isn’t anything best about getting married”, I used to think, “except for the initial excitement”. I was quite a pessimist then, esp. when it came to delicate subjects like married life. Hardly have I come across successful married lives, so I couldn’t expect something different to happen for me.

I was not quite interested in marriage. First of all that was the question everyone asked me after my graduation and I found nothing wrong in not getting married. I could not absorb the concept of trusting a stranger, and spending a lifetime with him. Second of all, I was quite happy with my life, my job and my friends around. I did not have a reason to get married. It was another tiresome ritual for me. Yeah!! Its true that there were times I used to feel a bit upset for nothing happening in my life, but they were all momentary. As soon as a favorite friend of mine drops in, I would be back to the cheerful girl. I was just trying to convince myself that I can happily go on like this, as long as my friends are around. There was always a question of how long they could find time for me, but I tried not to worry about that. Moreover, I tried to be my best with my present, rather than waiting for an uncertain ‘married-future’. Marriage, according to me, was the end of ‘my-self’, all my friends, living for an ‘us’, happily (at least pretending to be happy) accepting all the responsibilities, getting myself prepared to be questioned and being ready with answers for all my actions. So like the ‘girls’ of today, I stopped worrying about marriage, stopped dreaming about my partner, and got ready to accept anything that was coming along my way. Proposals were flooding in, but nothing really worked out. And me? I relaxed. The later, the better!!!

On the other side, there was a ‘vulnerable’ me. I was getting tired of the process too, and was even doubtful if there was something wrong with me. In course of time (over 4 yrs), I had almost developed a frozen feeling about all these ‘so-called-rituals’. Huh!! I hated them. Esp, when I had to travel all the way from Chennai to Kochi (almost 12-14 hrs) every two weeks, just to smile at one guy after another and to finally hear them saying ‘No’, I hated all of it. But then, I could not deny coming home. My parents had put in so much effort for all these. For their sake, I should. So now ‘getting married’ had become a responsibility. Needless to mention, I hated it to the core. But according to Kerala Muslim records, 25 yrs was too old and that raised too much of tension at home. It was as though, everyone wanted to get me married off. It was even worser, when I decided to go ahead with whatever they said. I did have a choice. My voice was always heard, unlike other muslim families, but I was too tired to raise my voice. I somehow wanted to get married and finish this off, whatever it be.

It was with this confused mindset, that I met Sayf. I was at a very comfortable zone, as soon as he opened the topic. I don’t really remember what we talked, but I enjoyed the friendly conversation. Like any other ‘pennukaanal’, I gave my parents a nod. Definitely, I had decided not to say a ‘No’, much much earlier than this. But unlike any other proposals, we got engaged in a couple of weeks. Wow!! I was engaged now and had 2 months for the wedding. Sayf had done a lot of lovely things. I enjoyed all of it, but inside I feared if it will last only till marriage. I tried my best to be myself, but I dint know whether the Sayf was. I feared the happiness might not last longer, so I tried to enjoy all of it to the best.

The first few weeks after marriage, I wondered if someone could be like him. The next few weeks, I began to admire him. The next, I tried to impress him. We had grown too close in no time. He had gained my trust in a few weeks. Now, as we crossed 3 years months of married life, I can honestly say that I have enjoyed every minute of it. I have started believing that good things can happen to me too. Nothing has really change after marriage. We are still the same two individuals who met on June’07. Am still in touch with all my favourite friends, am living life my own way, because Sayf has just become a part of me. And now, I realize that marriage is about someone whom you can call your OWN. It is about, making your life better. I would have never known life could be lived in a much much better way than it used to be, if I had not married Sayf. It is about, rushing everything @ office at a haste, and to run to the one waiting for you. It is about enjoying the feeling that someone really care for you. I do not worry about married life now, because Sayf is not a stranger anymore. For that matter, he never was. It is the pessimist inside who insisted to believe that nothing good can happen to me. Sayf is my luck, my belief, my trust and every moment of our togetherness matters to me a lot. His very looks, touch, words,… has all made a difference. He has taught me how to love, and he has helped to know how it is like to be loved. I feel on the top of the world, when he says am beautiful. And I will long every moment, to hear him say he loves me… I cant really explain the reason to get married, but my marriage has given me a reason to live …

Life may have a lot of surprises for us in the years to come. Our lives may change with seasons, but please know that no mater what happens, I will always be there by your side. And now I know what the best thing about my marriage is.. Its you Sayf.. You are the best that could have ever happened to me. Just hold me close to your heart, as close as you can, all throughout and that is all I need to live….