Sayf wants me to be optimistic about everything in life. I am, but not always. Am not a pessimist either. “If you think we can’t buy a Safari(SUV), it is never going to happen. It is the fire in your belly that keeps the craving for your desire”,I agree to the later part. “The feeling is beyond words when your long yearn comes true”. I agree again, but what about the blissful feeling when suddenly things fall in place and you become the proud owner of Safari? The happiness that comes unexpected can make me the happiest, I believe. He calls this pessimism, which I do not totally agree with. My present is not disturbed that I can’t own what I want to. There is some happiness clinging onto the end of my story. How would I be a pessimist then?
A friend of ours is happily engaged in her thirty something. But for the last 8 yrs, she and her family were going through hell. She knew exactly about how the man of her dreams should be, and stubbornly fought for her rights to find out the one. Everyone who was found by her parents were rejected for her own reasons, some of which her parents could never agree with. Sayf says her fight is fruitful and she is the happiest now. I know she is in the seventh heaven and may god bless them both. To me it was not a fight, but a war. The mental trauma that prevailed at her home for all these years had put everyone in depression. I too had my share of this life, but I never passed it onto my parents. I believe that marriage happens at the right time to the right person, whom god has already chosen for us. So why worry? Take your life lightly, be happy and peaceful. Let your present be happier. So incase your future is all dried up, you can at least have some fond memories of the present. Not a pessimism. Not worried to be happy either. Am just conditioning my mind for an unseen future.
Of late, career is an issue that causes trouble in families. When a better opportunity came for Sayf in Dubai, it was me who pushed him for that. I love to work, and my whole 7 yrs of career is in a technology which has 0% chances in Dubai. I still wanted him to go forward with the plan. Am confident that I would manage to get into something if not my own technology. What if I do not get a job? Am sure I would just calm down for a better tomorrow and start some home-preneur stuff. So I am optimistic too.
My in-laws are planning to stay with us once we shift to Dubai. Am not sure how well this would work, but I can’t deny their rights to be with their son and grand-daughter. They being the reason for Sayf, am bound to respect and take care of them. This may happen, may not and we have had our discussions on the same. But why should I make this an issue again and again and disturb our present? Who knows? I may not go to Dubai? I may even die before the elders. So why spoil my present with a plan that is likely or unlikely to happen in future?
I try my best to avoid asking people for help. Their denial can make me sad depending on the gravity of the help that was needed. A few say that it is not bad to keep expectations about friends. But I would say that this attitude is what actually helps me to be independent. Just tuning myself that in case I badly needed something and got rejected, I could be a little less sad.
So what am I? Optimist? Pessimist? And Why is there only optimism and pessimism? Why isn’t there anything in between both of them? Why can’t we take life as it comes and be contended with what we have now?
Am an opti-pessi-mist. I only long for peace of mind. I believe that I can’t take complete control over my life, and do not want my life to go out of control either.