A Grief-Stricken Tuesday

Nov 16. 6:30am.

I woke up with a heavy heart. Rubbed my eyes and checked my laptop for new mails. “No new mails”. My heart sank. I had no clue whose mail I was waiting for.I tried hard to dig  out the real reason for my mood swing.

Oh!! No, No. Am not that weird, except for certain days when I really do not know why am put off. But everything seemed out of the way since then.

My favorite puttu and chicken curry was there for break fast, but that didn’t cheer me up. Amma calledearly morning to remind me that the next day is Eid. Sayf called me to convey that Dubai is celebrating Eid on Nov 16. Nothing seemed to be interesting. After the usual chorus I started to office. It was raining heavily, my first drive in the rain. But that didn’t excite me either. The usual road looked sodiferent.

Gloomily I got to my desk. Opened my mailbox. “This page cannot be displayed”.

”Oh!!No,not today!! So everything has to go wrong today itself???!??!

I banged on my keyboard and got up for a coffee. No mood to work! Perhaps coffee could workwonders… Coffee was worser than ever. I met a few of my colleagues over coffee, gave them a bland smile and ran back to the shelter of my desk. I did not want anyone to notice me in despair.

I stared at my monitor for a while, and checked my mail again. “No new mails”.

I switched off the system and went to the candy machine, praying that I don’t come across anybody known. “Machine out of order!!”. What a great day!!

I walked to the food court, gulped an orange juice.

It was still drizzling… Certainly, I could not work so distressed. I grabbed my mobile and car key from the desk and went for a small drive. Obviously, I had no real destination. So stopped at the nearby RelianceFresh.Dark Chocolates are good anti depressants. I was not sure how many of them a day, would work against depression, but I took 3 of those big Bournvilles.Hardly 2kms from Reliance to office, but I had all the 3 during that drive.

I was confused after I reached my desk. Checked my mail again. “No new mails”. Gave a deep sigh and looked at my watch. 4pm. I called it a day at work.

Pari was very excited to have me back home.Her usual giggles which revives all sorts of stress did not excite me at all.. Blank at heart, I checked my mails again. “No new mails”. I fed Pari and put her to sleep. I had some dinner and unhappily hit the sack. I was disturbed from top to toe, and was irritated that I didn’t know why I was put off to the core.

I was definite to have a suicidal Eid if the same emotions remained in the air. Unsure of what has to be done, I checked my mails again.

“You have got a new mail”,my laptop flashed.The first moment of excitement in the last 24 hrs. I ran to check the new mail.

Joshidaniel has voted for your post on Indivine”.

”Oh!How sweet”. I hurriedly checked my post, his profile, viewed his latest blog and commented.

The day seemed to be a lot better, and I found out the reason. Since there was no response to my first indivine post, I was stuck for an entire day.. Thanks to Joshi for dropping in, but what got me so addictedto this?

A little more than a month ago did I step into the blogging world. Since Sayf was in Dubai, I thought of paying a tribute to him through a blog and that’s how my first blog evolved – The best thing aboutMarriage. Little did I know that this one would be an ice breaker. I took pleasure in scribbling my simple ideas. As the bits and pieces of my life appeared on screen, I appreciated myself. With a decent count of 20 blogs in this short time, all I cared was to pen down anything interesting, publish it and enjoy it. I continued writing, enjoyed the freedom of words and expressions, and was a happy blogger since then. But not after I posted one on Indivine. Traffic,comments,ratings,rankings,contests – everything had caught on to my head, at the expense of my one should-have-been-better day. For fans of Indivine, no offense please!!

Yes, all these are meant to create a competition and encourage better and better blogs.
Yes, all these are to brush up the crude writers and bring them into mature ones
Yes, It is nice to know that someone likes our blog.
Yes, It is a great feeling that someone thinks like we do.
Yes, I would love to write more and more and more and keep them published. But this time I would worry only about delivering quality blogs,believing that the latest one is better than yesterday’s and the best is still unwritten.

PS: I would love to see all of you in my inbox. So keep putting your thoughts across but please don’t ask me where am working at 🙂 🙂

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4 thoughts on “A Grief-Stricken Tuesday

  1. Ha ha ha ha..lol
    Welcome to the blog addiction club 🙂
    you know Snoopy used to yell me with my habit of checking emails every tens mins..I had this weird addiction checking email even middle of the night to see the comments I have received..Phew!!!
    Then I took a break from writing..started concentrating more on reading books and cooking for him..
    I am a good gal now 😛 😛 😛 😛

  2. Good one, Z. I wouldn’t call this “addiction” though (even if it really is). Let’s call it as a form of seeking approval. We do it all the time: outside home, we expect our work to be noticed, at home when we cook something delicious we expect that to be acknowledged.

    It is our innate quality to do what we love and expect others to like it (which is good). Personally, over time I have stopped looking for approval/comments/visits. Not that I don’t enjoy it, but I’m trying to be content in producing great work & looking for ways to improve.

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